Saturday, June 7, 2008

Totally Awesome Country Story

This post has absolutely nothing to do with knitting BUT - it is hilarious so read on............

We had a particularly unusual day yesterday. First off, the dogs start barking like crazy so I look outside to see what they are barking at. Turns out there is this woman and two kids walking on my property FROM the creek (which is the back of our property). I am of course wondering why these three people are coming out of the woods onto my property so we go out there to say "Uh, can we help you?". Turns out it is the woman and her two grandkids that live up the mountain from us who apparently think it is perfectly ok to just go wandering onto other folks property that you don't even know. So, she talked to us for about 45 minutes telling us how her husband owns all the land around us and he would never sell it and wanted to know if we were democrats or republicans and on and on and on. Kinda weird, right? OK - that wasn't even the funny or really unusual part of our day (no pictures of said random woman walking on our property, BTW).

Later, I see our neighbor drive by our house and assume she is driving over to our house as planned. But, we never see her come up the driveway so I walk down the driveway a little bit to see if she turned in. Boy am I glad I did. I see her parked sideways across our driveway near the bottom so I am of course wondering what is going on. She is at the bottom of our driveway talking to someone sitting in a car so I think "Oh, she must have seen someone she knows and stopped". I almost just turned around but on closer inspection, it appeared that the other car was in the ditch at the bottom of our driveway so I wander down to investigate, passing a rather odd loose tire in the middle of my driveway along the way.

Turns out she is talking to this kid (about 17 years old) who is drunk as a skunk and apparently just wrecked his car trying to FLY up our driveway (our driveway is gravel and steep so that didn't work out too well for him). The kid is so incoherent he can barely even talk to us - great, thanks for driving around on our street. Neighbor asks what we should do so I say "Well, I'm calling the police because this kid needs to go to jail". Before calling I have to just see what his plans were.
Me: So, where are you going?
Drunk Car Wrecker: Uh, down there.
Me: Why?
DCW: Uh, to fish.
Me: Oh really? I don't see a fishing pole and everything down here is private property.
DCW: Uh..........yeah..........I'm just gonna back up
Me: Oh no you aren't you are missing a tire.
DCW: No I ain't
Me: Oh yes you are (points to said missing tire lying in the middle of the driveway)
DCW: Oh that ain't MY tire
Me: That is TOTALLY your tire
So OK - police call.

By this time Mr. Man has also walked down the hill to join in the fun. Neighbor and I walk up the driveway together and I call the Blue Ridge police and start telling them the situation.
Me: Hey there! I have a REALLY drunk kid that has crashed his car into the ditch on my property, blown out a tire, etc.
BR Police: Whut's yer address m'am?
Me: (Gives address and other pertinents)
Neighbor (in background): AND HE'S NAKED
Me: {{WTF?!?!?!}}
Me: He's naked?
Neighbor: nods
Me: Ummm yeah and he is completely naked too so bring the COPS cameras for the show."
So what's more disturbing here? The fact that I have a completely naked drunk/high kid that has just crashed his car and blown off a tire in my driveway OR the fact that as I was talking to him I didn't even NOTICE that he was completely naked?!?! I'll let the blog decide.

Long story short, all the Blue Ridge cops in town show up because that is obviously the most exciting thing that has gone on in a while, the Sheriff shows up and the State police show up just for good measure. Mr. Man has to go in the house to get the kid a ratty pair of shorts so he can at least be arrested decently. Neighbor, Mr. Man and I went up on the deck to have a beer and watch the festivities in true country fashion. Did I take pictures you ask? Well OF COURSE I DID just for you guys!!

The moral of the story folks is "Get dressed BEFORE you start drinking, ok?"


diane said...

Does the movie "Deliverence" mean anything to you?

Your Mom.

diane said...

Ok, back to skool 4 me, I kan't spell it's "Deliverance."

YOu Mom

I am so a high school graduate!
BTW Those kittens are even more ADORABLE in person? Can a kitty be in person??

katey said...

Paddle faster, Brittney, I hear banjos.

And, I don't know which is weirder. I think that you didn't notice that he was naked might be the winner there.

Sue said...

Oh my gosh!!

Phyl said...

Just like your "old life" in Tucker, right? Ya'll gotta keep those pesky drunken necked teens in line!

Jane said...

Whoo and hoo, that is weird! Oh, and so is not noticing the naked guy. Sorry, but true. Actually, I shouldn't say that. I'm the original "wouldn't notice an ax murder in front of me" girl, so I most likley would have missed the nakedidity, too.

knitting dragonfly said...

OK I'll try to keep my pants on next time.
Good story, thanks for sharing!
Weird day.

turtlegirl76 said...

This all happened in your driveway? Awesome. Hehehehehe.

Micky said...

That's too funny.
But it seems to be that usually, the clothes come off after they start drinking.

Wendy said...

That's the funniest story I've heard in a long time!!!

Calicoknits said...

Maybe nekkid is such a common occurrance in our line of work that we don't really SEE it anymore

Hockey Mom said...

Duuude. That's just too damned funny.

Knits4Bears said...

What... no video!?!? snicker, giggle.. I think a video camera may be a new necessity for the country manse?!? Who says living in a small town community is boring?! Glad no one was hurt... except maybe his pride, if he remembers.

Lista said...

Hahahahahaha! I love that you didn't notice he was naked! I won't comment on the idea of going fishing...naked...with no rod or bait! Thanks for alerting all us CPaAGers that we should check the blog!

ab said...

Whoa! What an afternoon?
I'm still laughing!

Anonymous said...

Great story! Thanks for getting pics!! (I SO miss the country)

Meg said...

Wow! Though I'm surprised that you didn't just knit up a willy warmer instead of the shorts. ;-)

Roadchick said...

Lord, ain't it great to live in the South???

Wendy said...

LOL - I love that you didn't notice. "._."

Twitchy Knitter said...


theyarnwhisperer said...

You attracts like. Mr. Man likes to be nekked so it was only a matter of time before some other sky-clad lad ended up on your property. The fact that he was shit-faced was just added amusement (probably not so much amusement for his parents though). I think that you are just so used to naked men either through Mr. Man's constant demonstration of nudity or the fact that frequent discussions with naked people happens to be par for the course in our line of work. You could have at least offered the kid a weenie warmer! Geez!